Becca + Wasps = Eternal Enmity

As you will recall, my first day of working on the house was made considerably less joyous by a few spiteful wasps.

This subject wouldn’t have made it into a separate post, but this whole ordeal didn’t stop there. The wasps at my house must have sipped some sort of mutant, evil-aggression-inducing nectar. I have not gotten stung again, but I have had several close calls.

My husband tells me that I usually have no cause for alarm. I can’t help but closely observe my surroundings, searching for these lurking villains.

I’m convinced that others are somehow blind to the way that these creatures permeate the environment. I must have some sort of strange power that allows me to see all of them.

Maybe it’s called wasp-o-vision.

Maybe the wasps are from some other dimension.

OK.

Maybe, I’m seeing things.

More likely: I have Spheksophobia.

No matter what the case may be, I see them. I always see them. My heart races and I feel weak, at the sight of a nest alone.

Even this picture gives me the chills and feelings of nausea. (As you no doubt suspected, I did not take this picture, but I can't seem to find the source.)

 

My problems with the wasps that are specific to my house began when my mother-in-law and I started cleaning up the area beside the garage.

I still have feelings of extreme nervousness just walking by this area

Unbeknownst to us, this spot was harboring masses of wasps and the like. I started out helping her rake some of the leaves behind that trash can.

We were cleaning the area up and enjoying the weather, unaware of the danger lying in wait beneath the leaves and between the creeping tentacles of the vine.

I was thinking about the refreshing nature of the light rain that had started, and contentedly raking leaves. Out of nowhere, things went horribly wrong.

A stabbing pain burst through my knee, like a hypodermic needle had been driven into it. As I lunged away from the leaves and ran into the garage seeking sanctuary, another needle speared through my ankle.

I’ve been stung before. These stings were on a different level. There was malice involved.

The site of the sting is still visible after almost three weeks. I can only assume it’s because of the general ill-will that all wasps bear towards me.

Please believe me; I have tried to rid myself of these ridiculous thoughts and reactions. I’m beginning to believe that my response isn’t quite as exaggerated as I used to think. There IS a conspiracy against me. I can almost hear them whispering about my demise.

I have combed every crevice around the outside of the house for these predators. I continue to find large nests to spray. Even with the solace of the death-to-wasps jet sprayer, I’m like a scared child checking the closet for the bogey man.

I know what you’re going to say, “you need to realize that you’re the scary one in the equation, especially with the large can of air-propelled poison.”

Let me emphasize, I have a genuine phobia. Logic doesn’t enter into my mind when faced with my fear. My mind becomes irrational. I may even have imagined while spraying nests that I was in a nail-biting thriller, and a wasp was going to torpedo into me out of nowhere, stinging the word surprise into my flesh.

And while we’re on the subject of spraying nests, why do the people who make bug spray have to perpetuate my fears of said bugs by plastering pictures of giant, malevolent looking bugs on their cans?

Case in point:

This has always been a source of bewilderment for me.

Anyway, I will keep you apprised of any new developments in the Becca vs. The Wasps saga. Will there ever be peace between me and my enemy wasps? Do you know any good mediators?

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12 Responses to Becca + Wasps = Eternal Enmity

  1. Laura Burt says:

    You… my dear are too funny. Love you, can’t wait to be home to help you!

  2. monkeysocks says:

    My mum is like that too. When she gardens and stuff or we have a picnic she always takes a jar filled with a mixture of jam and orange fizzy drink and leaves it open a few metres away form her, then all the wasps go for that instead and she can also see if they are coming from and returning to anywhere in particular so then that can destroyed.

  3. Cindy says:

    Hahaha I’m sorry I’m laughing at this post but it is funny! I do feel your fear though! I may not have a legitimate phobia but I really can’t stand ANY insect. My natural instinct is to just wack a bug.

    Maybe you’ll have to call a terminator to get all of them removed? Their position really makes them inconvenient because its so near the garage!

    Keep us updated! I hope you don’t have any more close calls!

    • Becca says:

      No need to apologize. I’m OK with other people finding amusement in my pain and suffering. 😛 I can almost guarantee that there will be more updates in the future.

  4. Lauren says:

    i hate wasps. i am always irrationally terrified of being stung, even though i know they won’t kill me. ughhhhh wasps. i would be flipping out if i got stung more than once!

    you know what is awesome, though? spray them down with a can of hairspray. their wings get stuck together & they can’t move so they end up starving to death. HAHAHAHA TAKE THAT!

    • Becca says:

      Glad to hear that I’m not the only one. Haha. Wow, that hairspray thing is pretty brutal. Though, I’m not saying I don’t love it.

  5. Papa says:

    I remember just looking at a bee’s nest in the ground … until one stung me (I’m allergic) … I got a small bit of gas and a match – end of bee’s nest! Don’t try this at home!! Particularly next to any building!

    • Becca says:

      Yikes! Haha, that sounds like something you would have done. I bet no bees ever took the chance of making you angry again. I definitely won’t try that at home.

  6. GA says:

    Do you remember the camping trip when you where eating a peanut butter sandwich and a bee came over and tried to help you eat it and you threw it on the ground and either papa or your dad made you pick it up and eat it. LOL, sorry to be laughing but this post is wonderful and so like you. Great writing.

    • Becca says:

      How could I forget that?! It was a pretty traumatizing experience. I’m quite certain that it was my dad, because he made me eat food I dropped on the ground, on more than one occasion. It’s OK for you to laugh, though it certainly proves my point that nobody understands my issues. I’m glad to have brought a smile to your face.

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